Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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