After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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