ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
