I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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