my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
