Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I AM VODKA MAN
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
