he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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