I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
