when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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