After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
