I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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