i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
