party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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