my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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