Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
