I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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