Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
