He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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