Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
