Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
