the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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