I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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