About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
