But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
