To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
