Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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