I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
