Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I touched a dick in church today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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