i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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