Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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