I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
