She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
whose parrot is this?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
