my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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