All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
