The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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