he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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