she was so not down for the gang bang
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
