Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
