Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
