Kiss
Puke
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
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