i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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