Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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