i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
