$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there's paper in my vomit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
