so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
4 words: hood of his car
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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