WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
