My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
