Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
