I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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