So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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