Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
