I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me