Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....