I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship