my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
