im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
