Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again