I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.