So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?