I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
smell my finger.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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