she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
