no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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