Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
