I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
