it was like having sex with a tree stump
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
