I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
