oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
