dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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