He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
