i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
